what is life III

Lately I've been crying a lot.

Another issue happened in life and I'm feeling so, I don't know.

Guilty of course, but also, cursed.

Then I remembered, life is temporary.

All I need to do is to be more careful next time and be good, do good.

Sometimes I hate how being a High Sensitive Person really affects me to several traumatic events.

I know time heals, but seems like it never stops.

The difference is, now the strength of life of mine has increased than before.

Eventho I'm still struggling, but this is life. We learn by our mistakes.

*p.s.: I miss you, Dad.

what is life II

mama pernah cerita, hampir 28 tahun yang lalu saat beliau hamil aku dan udah due date, aku kayak betah banget di dalam perut, gamau keluar ke dunia yang fana ini haha. Kemudian, papaku bawa air putih dalam botol ke gereja untuk didoakan oleh pendeta. Setelah mamaku minum, akhirnya beliau mules dan akupun lahir dengan selamat.

mengenal dunia eksakta membuat aku punya pola pikir yang skeptikal. kayak mau dipikir secara logika ga masup akal, kan ga mungkin air minumnya dikasih miso hehe bercanda.

apalagi setelah papaku meninggal, aku kayak makin bertanya-tanya tentang arti hidup.

Tapi, seperti yang diceritakan di atas, aku bisa lahir aja karena sesuatu yang ajaib. Entah karena kebetulan atau memang ada misteri di balik itu semua.

Pantes aku juga jadi ajaib gini yak, in a weird way.

*p.s.: makasih Pak Pendeta, I owe you big time

what is life

my beloved father died on the third day of 2021.

never ever in my life I felt like this. I cried the whole two weeks. And even until right now, I'm feeling so, I don't know, still can't believe that this happened.

I'm feeling sad everytime I remembered many regrets left. I'm feeling sad everytime I remembered the best memories I had with him. We argue most of the time, but still, he is the reason why I'm alive.

This loss makes me appreciate every little things more deeply. I even thinking about life most of the time, like, what are we, why are we here, to be what millennials (us) call it as YOLO.

*p.s.: I want to be either intensivist or internist.

**p.s.: must take care of my mother, the strongest woman in the universe.