what is life II

mama pernah cerita, hampir 28 tahun yang lalu saat beliau hamil aku dan udah due date, aku kayak betah banget di dalam perut, gamau keluar ke dunia yang fana ini haha. Kemudian, papaku bawa air putih dalam botol ke gereja untuk didoakan oleh pendeta. Setelah mamaku minum, akhirnya beliau mules dan akupun lahir dengan selamat.

mengenal dunia eksakta membuat aku punya pola pikir yang skeptikal. kayak mau dipikir secara logika ga masup akal, kan ga mungkin air minumnya dikasih miso hehe bercanda.

apalagi setelah papaku meninggal, aku kayak makin bertanya-tanya tentang arti hidup.

Tapi, seperti yang diceritakan di atas, aku bisa lahir aja karena sesuatu yang ajaib. Entah karena kebetulan atau memang ada misteri di balik itu semua.

Pantes aku juga jadi ajaib gini yak, in a weird way.

*p.s.: makasih Pak Pendeta, I owe you big time

what is life

my beloved father died on the third day of 2021.

never ever in my life I felt like this. I cried the whole two weeks. And even until right now, I'm feeling so, I don't know, still can't believe that this happened.

I'm feeling sad everytime I remembered many regrets left. I'm feeling sad everytime I remembered the best memories I had with him. We argue most of the time, but still, he is the reason why I'm alive.

This loss makes me appreciate every little things more deeply. I even thinking about life most of the time, like, what are we, why are we here, to be what millennials (us) call it as YOLO.

*p.s.: I want to be either intensivist or internist.

**p.s.: must take care of my mother, the strongest woman in the universe.

surviving christmas

this year's christmas day is kinda different.

as you know (no you didn't), I prefer christmas eve rather than christmas day itself, because I'm a night owl and I like christmassy lights kinda things.

This year, for the first time in my life, I spent the christmas time alone. Totally alone in kos-kosan a.k.a. boarding house.

My dad just tested positive for coronavirus PCR test few days ago. My mom is taking care of him at home. With oxygen tank, pulse oximetry, and medications by my family doctor (and also me checking on them everytime on call). And me myself even got common cold going on and recurrent chronic pharyngitis, it was so bad I was having mild fever these two days around. So I decided to just do self-isolation, luckily I have whole week off next week so yea, will see~

This is terrible because I'm thinking about my dad alot, I even cried in tears on the way to puskesmas this morning (and it was on grabride, which is ridiculous actually), worrying about him, but I'm trying to stay strong, because seeing my mom was so patient taking care to dad makes me feeling even more guilty.

I just wanted my dad to be recover soon, and my mom to be healthy and strong. As simple as that.

Merry christmas, folks!