left lower eyelid

no i won't tell something obvious


my left lower eyelid is a lil bit swollen and painful. It's because I cried too much for last few days. I have no idea what I'm doing in my life. My mind is full of complexity. My 24th birthday will be in next two weeks. These years had been tough, really-really tough. Why am I too depressed? Suddenly I'm feeling really related to those whom depressed and had suicide thoughts. Because you can't escape, clueless, have no idea where to go, too complicated, and so many other things.


I also don't know why, there is also a little bit spirit to me to just keep going. Eventhough I'm really out of my mind. Because I know, this world, this life itself, is a mystery.



Uhm, is this supposed to be my last post in age 23?

Valentine's Day 2017

Happy Valentine's Day!

Pink, Love is in the Air, Chocolate, Dinner for two, etcetera..


What about myself?


Nothing special. I woke up late, but I have nothing to do so I just playing games on my tablet, scrolling around social medias, and tonight, writing on my beloved blog! It's too hard to force myself to write, because when I'm not on my mood, the post will be not quite good. Basically all my posts aren't good enough tho.


I want to throwing back the February 14th on few years ago....


I will start on 2010. 7 years ago. I'm in love, with one of my schoolmate. But it feels like, one sided love. So the feeling was starting to be vanished. Me and my best friend, Ain, went to a mall, which I really missed about, hanging out with best friend. And the night we were watching basketball competition. I really missed going out at night because I moved to new house and it's kinda far from the city.

2011 is the hectic one. On Sunday, February 13th, me and my best friend, Ain, made homemade chocolate to my friend's house. And the result is failed. Later on, I decided to buy some chocolates in the supermarket instead. And at the D-day, I gave one of the chocolate to one of my crush. Well it's kinda embarassing but it was also hilarious. Same as my crush before, nothing really happened so, yeah. I know, my lovelife sucks.

2012, I spent the night on my friend's room doing group assignment. Me and Sharon went home on 9pm at night, the traffic was a little bit crowded, but I arrived home safely.


And honestly I don't remember the years after, beside on one day, I buy a lot of chunky bars and eat it all BY MY SELF.


the point is, this few years is even worst than one sided love. I mean, at least I had some interesting things to share eventho that's painful. Nevertheless, I don't care about valentine's day anymore. For now.


Yea. Life is boring. So do this post. Bye

2017, first blogger ever, poor sun bears in bandung zoo

hello. this is my first post in 2017. coincidentally today is January 20th. it means today is the third month before my blog's 10 years anniversary!

I mean, I've never thinking to be still doing blogging till now. Well, I know I really like writing, but I usually get bored so easily, so I really don't know why I'm still doing this.

Ten years ago, I was 14. I was so clueless about this world, this life, including internet world. But I used to really-really happy that day. I have so many wild dreams to be achieved, which is failed at all.

Nowadays I became so hopeless, don't have any desire to live, always sad and disappointed, etcetera.


I can only entertain myself with play random games on my tablet, or watching cartoons, listen to songs that I already bored of (I used to love it but after listen to it like too many times, you know..)


Maybe when I'm ready I'm gonna tell, why I'm sad, just if I already figured out why, because sometimes, I don't even know why I'm sad.


By the way, in this early new year, there are new few things that popped in my head.

First of, I once find out who's the first blogger ever. Turned out it was a handsome and cheerful young man named Justin Hall. He started blogging on 1994, which is really-really awesome! Then I watch his 40 minutes documentary video about his journey on 20 years doing blogging, and I really-really felt related to him! When I moved to another school in high school (this was 8 years ago), one of my teacher recognize me because he read my blog about my new school. Well, I wrote a lot, including how I didn't like my physics teacher, but thankfully he didn't make a big deal about that :p

Justin's now in his 40s, living a good life as a husband and loving father. He has own youtube channel, and the history knows him as first blogger ever! So cool! (his links.net itself blocked in my country because of the mature contents. thank God there is a thing called VPN)


Second, I'm so touched by the starving sun bears in Bandung Zoo. Gosh, never been this sad to watch the video of them begged for food by visitors. I know, in the province I live, there is also a wildlife park named Tandurusa which kinda neglected too. The video was uploaded two years ago, so I don't know if it already be take care or not. I never went there and wanted to go there but it never happened until now so.. but at least the animals in tandurusa aren't too skinny and begged for food like those poor sun bears. I wish all the best for everything about this alarming event. Especially for the bears.


That's all for today folks. Pardon my fricking grammars. Thank you! Bye!