gonna get up gonna get out

Minggu depan aku akan meninggalkan umur 25.

Jujur, beberapa minggu sebelum masuk usia 25, aku stres berat.

Sibuk di bedah, lapkas terbengkalai, pokoknya aku ingin mati.

Yet I was still facing each day pretended nothing's wrong, but it was actually something wrong.

Tapi... Setelah melewati berbagai lika-liku kehidupan, mulai dari nangis-nangis terkait lapkas bedah sampe bolos parade dan umak datang ke kos nenangin aku (mostly she confused actually, ga tau harus apain aku), jadi ketua neuro dan bener-bener bikin kapok jadi ketua (cuma orang kurang kerjaan yang mau volunteer jadi ketua di sini), melewati paket 3 koas yang melelahkan dan qu sampe sekarang benci paket 3 tsb, dan, stase luar di teling (I'm talking about both pedi and ikkom lol). yang bener-bener. bikin aku sadar bahwa hidup itu keras. banget. tapi. kudu. SURVIVE. jangan. kalah. ama. keadaan.


Aku sadar hidup ini indah. Jika kita menjalaninya dengan pikiran yang tenang, hati yang gembira (for me it's hard coz I'm easily upset for every little thing a.k.a oversensitive but yea at least I tried) dan yea. Jangan dibikin ribet lah intinya. I'm more into let everything flow nowadays...


and.....


Aku..... ga tau harus gimana sekarang. Lagi batuk-batuk dan gaens bangets. Hope I'll get better soon.

Valentine's Day

Happy Val's Day

I personally don't celebrate this kind of day coz I'm single for a decade now.

Like, the only memorable thing about Val's Day that I remembered was I ate all of the 10 chocolate bars that I bought by MYSELF. I was planning to give em to my friends and lovers but since I didn't have both (til now) so yea. Those dark era kinda time.


Sooooooooooooooo what am I supossed to write in this post?

Honestly I have no idea. Today is the graduation of my batch, which makes me feel more, yea.

But I'm still trying to reach the finish line. Even tho it's hard. like, it's fun, but, it. is. really. hard.



I'm going to eat indomie goreng to celebrate Valentine's day. Bye!

2019 ganti birman

SELAMAT TAHUN BARU 2019 YO FELLAZZ!!

Untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidupku,

Aku GA BIKIN RESOLUSI TAHUN BARU.


WHY?

BCOZ IT SUX

I MEANT, AKU PASTI GA BAKAL WUJUDIN

SO, RATHER THAN BE UPSET LATER IN THE END OF THE YEAR, I PREFER TO NOT MAKING ANY



Aku mau cerita how I spent the 00:00


Aku jaga malam tanggal 31 Desember 2018 di UGD kandungan, dari aku balik mandi jam 20ish, aman tentram dan damai. Kami pun nongkrong di depan ruang VK (Verlos Kamer a.k.a Ruang Bersalin Nomal) sambil makan-makan malabar, foto-foto, ketawa-ketawa, tukar kado, nonton Gempita 2019 di SCTV, cerita-cerita


and then............


jam 23.45, 2 PASIEN BARU DATANG.


JADI... JAM 00:00, AKU LAGI PERSIAPAN BUAT BAKAR-BAKAR, BUKAN BAKAR KEMBANG API, TAPI BAKAR URIN


But it's really fun tho. I love it!


Jam 2an, kami pun bakar kembang api sambil pepotoan di balkon belakang lantai 2. Mine was a mess, but gathering with girlfriends doin' a little fun thing is fun.


And I spent most of the day sleeping because I'm too exhausting. Typical introvert.


Hope you guys enjoyed your new day, gbye!

merry fucking christmas!

I DON'T WANT A LOT FOR CHRISTMAS...................


honestly yang aku suka dari "christmas moments" itu justru malam natalnya, bukan hari natalnya.


coz i'm a night person, malam itu identik dengan christmas lights, dan biasanya malam hari kami sekeluarga ngumpul buat foto bareng sehabis ibadah


malam ini (alias kemarin, tanggal 24) sangat hectic u kno


aku pulang stase jam 5 sore (walau udah disuruh pulang dari jam 4), terus karena ada futsal dan deket tempat stase, maka ku jalan ke sana.


baru berani minta izin ke pak boss jam 6 sore


cuaca mendung, pesan gojek gadapet2, akhirnya dapet gocar 82rebu (yang biasanya 30ribuan paling mihil) dan drivernya seniorku tapi karena lagi mumet jadi ku ga ajak dese ngobrol


sampe rumah udah jam 7 malem, cuma cuci muka ganti baju semprot parfum, langsung nyabs ke gereja



hari ini, hari natal, ku cuma keluar ambil makanan catering buat disantap di rumah, dan sorenya ngebioskop bareng adik dan kakakku. how special huh?


sekarang uring-uringan, besok stase pagi, qu masih ingin menikmati christmas vibes but since I enjoyed it too much last year so I failed at one dept and I felt fucking miserable so yea


I'm depressed, broke, and haven't finished my lapkas, berkas, etc

upgrading

last week.

that one unforgettable week.



I was fucking fucked up at that time.

I cried inside all the time.


but thank you

I want to be a psychiatrist because of all those things.
at least I saw a little light in front of me. maybe one day it will change, I never know.

thank you. thank you so much.

diarrhea

I don't know why, I'm enjoying my days greet sick children, so they want us to do examination on them. Some of them crying immediately when they see white coat human being, got traumatize by needle. I even found a 5 year-old girl literally cursing when we came to her. Many of them are still babies and quite calm and had such a smiley face. Feeling like this was the another thing to enjoyed.

So.. what's going on? 3 months later to finished this hardcore year evur in my life.

I'm on my quarter-life crisis.

I'm trying to holding on.

Eventhou this is just too hard. like, to, hard.


BUT I MUST KEEP GOIN

up up up

sometimes when you think about life...

when something that "seems" bad happened.


but actually it has another meaning to it



the more I grew up, the more I think that I've been doing wrong for all of my entire life.


why is this happened?

why life is so unfair?


I even lost my future visions. Don't know why.


I;m trying to fix all of these things but still. it's hard. and not easy. of course.


but in the end, I hope, and I must be sure that, all is well.

quarter-life crisis my ass

25 tahun 5 bulan.

masih sekolah.

tiap hari capek.

ada ups and downs


sekarang lagi downs.

pulang ke kos nangis-nangis ga ada sebab

mungkin kurang tidur

mungkin mata gatal


yang jelas lagi irritable mood

sepertinya juga lagi PMS



banyak kewajiban
banyak yang kudu diurus

aku ga tau pada dasarnya aku pemalas atau emang semua ini terasa berat bagiku


gerak pun udah ga mampu



apakah ini yang dinamakan quarter-life crisis?



makin tua juga aku makin jutek

makin benci banyak orang

makin mengenal keaslian orang-orang (terutama di masa sekolahku yang boleh dibilang masa-masa sulit, semua sifat asli orang-orang sekitar terbongkar semua).

ada yang keliatannya jutek tapi ternyata baik banget
ada yang keliatannya baik tapi ternyata bangke abis
ada yang keliatannya bangke dan emang bangke


makin mendapatkan berbagai tantangan kehidupan. dan ini bertubi-tubi


jadinya themesongs aku currently itu:

- houdini - foster the ppl
- hard times - paramore
- trouble is a friend - lenka


capeque.

another year on blog

nga kerasa udah 11 tahun ngeblog.

nga tau mau ngomong apa.


ngetik apa.

ada ding.

seperti biasa aku akan mulai dengan paragraf yang sama dari tahun ke tahun.

20 April 2007.
Seorang perempuan jomblo berusia 14 tahun, pulang sekolah pergi ke warnet dekat rumah bersama adiknya untuk menemaninya bikin tugas sekalian mau buka friendster. naik angkot cigak baruak dari depan rumah, turun di depan warnet, buka sendal, pilih bilik favorit di warnet, buka billing explorer, pilih 60 menit, ketik nama, lalu mulai buka mozilla dan buka friendster and friends. lalu entah kenapa akhirnya iseng bikin blog di blogger.com, lalu posting-posting ga jelas, pake huruf merah marah ama adik yang rese. 

20 April 2018.
Seorang wanita jones berusia 25 tahun, pulang dari rumah sakit abis stase ke ATM dulu isi saldo gopay, lalu pesan gojek ke rumah, dibawa pulang om gojek lewat jalan belakang yang mendaki dan menurun, sampai rumah, buka pagar, rumah kosong, masuk kamar yang sangat berantakan, kunci kamar, nyalain AC, buka laptop papa yang udah busuk, buka cemilan dulu, sambil minum susu kelapa, mulai browsing dan membuka blogger.com di chrome. niatnya menghabiskan hari dengan whatsapp pembimbing lapkas buat revisi lapkas aku secepatnya soalnya Senin udah mau baca ke spv :'( tapi takut buat chat ntar dikirain gasopan gasabaran hiksss helep meh. lalu niat mau belajar juga, ntah bakal terealisasikan atau malah berakhir dengan nangis ga berhenti karena stres.

yang jelas aku lagi dalam masa krisis seperempat abad.

but sometimes I enjoy the life too.

kayak sekarang lagi ngemil salted egg potato chips

atau hari ini dapet undian dosen ujian yang baik

atau jam segini udah di rumah. bersyukur banget.

SEMOGA MAKIN RAJIN NGEBLOG. WALOPUN NGA ADA YANG BACA.

*HAPPY 420!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

almost 11 years

man. im bored. feeling like i will quit blogging but where will I release my energy into something useful anymore?

i know at least i should blogging about something worthwhile, not just vent around like an idiot. but, im busy with my real life also, so, I don't enough energy to blogging about things that you considered as useful.

for the rest of my 11 years, im so overproud of my title as a blogger, over 10 years. from middle school till now. I met many cool bloggers, some are became my cyber pals. but it's not the era of blogging anymore. so. yea.


but I think I will keep blogging tho.


sincerely, your 25 year-old girl, 11 year-old blogger. meh.

25

seharusnya hari ini aku harus bener-bener kelarin lapkasku.

tapi aku disini duduk terdiam, lagi sakit tenggorokan, flu, sakit kepala, pokoknya sakit batin dan badan.

pengen mati.

btw aku udah 25. tapi ya idup gini-gini aja. makin mellow iya. makin mendung iya. pokoknya kacau.

makin kehilangan arah.